A change in the weather

a cure for what ails you, major depression, rapid-cycle bipolar disorder, suicidal ideation, three hopeful thoughts

I was out for a walk yesterday when it hit me: I haven’t felt actually depressed since Thursday. Occasionally anxious and agitated? Sure, but mostly in response to external stressors. I’m mostly flat/content, but have had a few moments of what I think is mild happiness. The climate in my head isn’t quite sunny and 75 yet, but it’s slowly improving.

The lamictal seems to be doing its job, but I’m still living in fear of the rash. Every time I feel itchy (which happens frequently, considering how much I’ve been outside lately and my allergies to tree pollen), I freak out and pop allergy pills and repeatedly ask D. to check and make sure I’m not getting blotchy. The actual rash doesn’t scare me—it’s the prospect of having the one thing that’s finally making me feel stable stripped away from me without warning.

Being outside, going for long walks around the pond (especially when D. works nights, when I get too anxious and lonely to sit in the apartment by myself) has been incredibly therapeutic. In Middleton, there are so many places to walk to, so many things to see. It’s not a large town, but it’s a step up from Cross Plains, which was tiny, and my hometown of Dubuque, which was not exactly what one might call “pedestrian-friendly.”

How do you all feel about being in nature? Does it help your mood to just get out, even if you’re alone?

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